think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
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Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
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I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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