I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
