and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
