Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
