I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
