I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
