you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
