i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Please don't give away my fajitas
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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