I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
