Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
