Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
