Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
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and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
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High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
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