I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
