wakey wakey hands off snakey
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
