she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
