I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
