woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
