dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
