"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize