atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
