Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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