Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
