true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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