He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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