i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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