made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You have to summon your inner elephant
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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