Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
