I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
