so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
