so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If I die, sorry about rent.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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