So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
