How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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