lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
