Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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