So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He felt like a one man threesome
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
