So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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