My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
