I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
