once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
