i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
