Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
