and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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