If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
