I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize