We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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