shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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