dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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