Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
