I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
