My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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