Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
