Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
