She announced her abortion via fbk
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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