Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
