Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
