i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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