dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
