The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
