I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
