We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
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Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
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2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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