Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
