it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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