How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
