I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
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hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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