I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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