My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
