Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
