Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
