and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
