Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
