I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
