i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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