it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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