You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i think i just lost a toe
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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