I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
