in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
