i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
