I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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