Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
