I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
