So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Farmville is her only friend.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We talked him into tasing himself.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
